Rough Games: Competent Consensual Edge Play

Safe & Sane & Consensual SM

safe sane and consensual competent sadomasochism

My SM education has continued since before the days of bondage courses, SM manuals and stop words. Gay was legal in the UK but not accepted; sadomasochism was unfashionable, piercing were tribal and primitive.

The freedom to be different includes the freedom to fail and the freedom to go places others fear to tread. And I'm still here.

Careful advance negotiation can be great but spontaneity is fantastic. I trust my own judgement and I submit when I feel there is a prospect of a worthwhile encounter. To be more specific than that would miss the point.

"Take care - have fun - and be lucky"

My usual Limits:

  1. Safe sex only; extended cold, sleep deprivation, dehydration, nerve damage, pressure on the eyes, allergic reactions (eg nettles), hypnosis and brainwashing are also health risks which I avoid
  2. No permanent marks, tattoos or piercings; visible hair to remain
  3. Photography or video-making only with specific prior agreement
  4. Session to be for agreed duration only

That leaves plenty of other kinky and challenging ideas to work on...

Squaddie John's working definition of consensual SM

What do I mean by consensual SM?

The starting point is that both sides in an SM encounter are willing participants.

From there on in, I approach SM as an adult sport played between willing, skilled players who place the whole of their bodies and minds in the arena of play, no holds barred.

This is full-on fantasy play. It's hard-fought but there is not a single winner as in combat: ideally both players are winners. There isn't an aggressor and a victim nor is there a Master and a slave because in reality the slave must be willing to submit.

And an SM exchange and interaction is more involved and committed than an intense physical experience. Tying me up and tickling me is an intense experience but it doesn't engage my thoughts or emotions nor does it forge a bond between us.

Squaddie John's working definition of SM Edge Play

What do I mean by "Edge Play"? I don't mean edged weapons such as knives and I don't mean guns.

To me "Edge Play" is sadomasochistic activity which pushes the limits of the sub's experience, preconceptions or hang-ups. Edge play can be challenging but safe.

Stop words are useful in some situations so that both Top and sub can relax and let go of everyday inhibitions with confidence. The situation can perhaps be retrieved safely if a stop word is invoked,

But for myself as an experienced sub, I prefer stop words to be a last ditch safety net, preferably never to be used; if communication between Top and sub has deteriorated so much that it is necessary to use a stop word then there's probably something major wrong.

Who does SM?

Any adult who has an open mind and enjoys their body. Academic. athlete, baker, builder, company chairman, doctor, road sweeper, toilet cleaner: anyone. You?

"In December 1990, 16 gay men were given prison sentences of up to four and a half years or fined for engaging in consensual SM activity ... The convictions have now been upheld by both the Court of Appeal and by the Law Lords." - SMGAYS Resource Book 2

These laws have not been repealed.

If you are in England or coming to London soon get in contact now. I try to reply to all relevant mail

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